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Saturday, February 6, 2010

MY Diet, MY Way

I have been doing a lot of thinking this week about my ‘diet’. As I have mentioned more than once, I have been frustrated lately and I think that I know why. I think that I have been letting myself feel like a failure the past few weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I am so proud of my accomplishments to date, but I feel like I am being ‘bad’ when I don’t eat 100% completely healthy. I know from previous experiences, that once I start feeling like this, I start to go into give-up mode, and I am not willing to do that this time.

So, as I said, my negativity this week got me to thinking about MY diet. I read a lot of health and weight loss blogs lately for motivation and ideas. I love to hear about other people’s journeys, but I have started to compare myself to them. I start thinking of how admirable it is that they are strong enough to order a salad with light dressing on the side at a restaurant, or that they cook with only healthy foods. I start to think that I am doing this all wrong and that I need to be more disciplined like them. But I have finally stopped that thinking, and I feel like I have had an epiphany in the last couple of days.

The only way I am going to be able to lose weight and maintain a healthy weight for me is if I do it in a way that I can stick with. I always knew this, but I think I reminded myself of it this week after getting caught up in the thought that I should be doing better. Now, this being said, I do have to continue to incorporate more healthy & nutritious foods into my eating habits, and minimize some of the not-so-much items. But my point is that I don’t have to do this like everybody else. EveryBODY is different, and I admire and respect all of these other bloggers, and truthfully wish I could be more like them. But for now, I’m not and that is ok.

It would obviously be easier if I preferred a spinach salad over a cheeseburger and fries…but I don’t. Maybe someday I will, but I really doubt it. I have tried many different diets (South Beach, Weight Watchers, Lemonade, Cabbage Soup, etc.) but was never able to stick to them (I really do like Weight Watchers though). I have also tried being very strict on myself by labeling food in my mind as ‘bad’ or ‘good’ and made myself feel like crap if I ate something ‘bad’. This is the mentality that has been bothering me lately, and it is the mentality that has caused me to give up in the past. It’s like I strive for perfection, which is ridiculous because nobody is perfect, including me!

When I started to lose weight this time, I was very clear with myself about my objectives. I wasn’t going to give up anything, just make wiser and better choices each day. I knew it would probably take me longer going this route, but also knew that it would be a more manageable plan that I could stick to long term. It has worked for 45 pounds, and will work for the next 45 pounds if I let it. I have been making myself feel so guilty lately when I eat Mexican food, or have a burger, or go over 1,200 calories, and it’s making me insane. No more of that negative thinking! I will eat crap food from time to time because I am human, and I like it.

I have to start focusing more on the positive things that I have been doing. I have been experimenting with different foods to still get the flavors that I enjoy so much, but save on the calories, and that has helped tremendously. This alone has allowed me to eat Mexican food as often as I want and still be able to lose weight. No, it’s not wheat grass, or spinach, or tofu, but for me it is healthier than the alternative.

My weight loss has slowed down, but that is natural. It is annoying and discouraging, but I knew it would happen. I can’t lose 10+ pounds a month every month, especially this late in the game. I have just started working out again in the past month, and I really feel like it will help shed the last half of the weight and help me to achieve the toned body I dream of.

This all being said, I weighed in yesterday at 180.0. It aggravated me, but I expected it. I kind of sabotaged myself on Wednesday and Thursday by letting all of my own negative thoughts get to me. But to be honest, I really can’t be that upset about it. I am still buzzin’ from my weight loss so far, and I know that just because I gained a pound back doesn’t mean I won’t continue to lose weight.

This ended up being a longer post than I intended. I guess I just needed to get some of my thoughts out that have been racing though my head this week. In summary, I won’t be apologetic for making poor food choices anymore because it is a downer to feel guilty, and it is only human to not always make the best choice. I will however reflect on how I could have been just as satisfied by tweaking those choices a bit and saved some calories. I needed to remind myself that I am losing weight for me so I must do it in a way that works for me. I imagine the things I eat are repulsive to some people, but I believe that to most people they are acceptable and even normal. Cheers to a positive attitude moving forward!

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