Throughout the years, I did try to lose weight several times, but to no avail. I would say it was January 2009 before I really started pulling out of the depression mode completely and started developing a better attitude. I was finally in a job that I enjoyed, Skyler had graduated and was making good money, the house I was robbed in had sold, and I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was of course, a slow progression, but I started noticing I was crying less and laughing more, and Sky and I were starting to find the fun in life again.
Something else that helped me to be able to find some inner peace was to finally accept that my Dad and I would never have a healthy, productive relationship. I know it sounds awful, but for as long as I could remember I had tried so hard to make things work with him, and it was getting to the point where I just stayed upset and was always being let down. Once I finally accepted that this was the way things were going to be and it wasn’t worth me wasting so much energy on somebody that wasn’t willing to give any positive energy back, I was really able to let go and move on. This decision along with dis-engaging as much as possible from the family dramas really helped me to pull out of the slump even more.
I started to try to lose weight beginning in January 2009 and dropped about 15 pounds in 1 month. Unfortunately, I burned myself out and quit mid February. (This is the reason my approach has been very different and much less intense this time around.) By vacation in mid-May I had started putting a few pounds back on again.
May 2009 – 210-215 pounds
I bounced around 210-215 the whole first half of 2009, and it was starting to creep up again. Then, one day in late August during one of my many meltdowns screaming/crying, “I’m a fat cow! Nothing fits!” Skyler suggested that I ask my Dr. to put me on Phentermine. Sky is a nurse, so he really isn’t a huge fan of weight loss pills (and I didn’t think of it as ideal either), but he had watched me struggle numerous times over the previous 4 years and he knew I needed some help. The one thing we liked about Phentermine was that I would at least be monitored by a Dr. each month. We were just praying that it would give me the boost I needed to be able to do it on my own after a few months.
My Pre-Phentermine weight in mid August 2009 was 213 pounds.
September 1, 2009 – 205-210 pounds
By mid September I was down to 202, and by mid October I had made it under 200 pounds, to 196. There was never a better feeling than saying good-bye to the 200’s FOREVER! I hit 191 mid November, and 181.6 by mid December 2009.
It took me getting down into the 180’s before I started noticing very many changes in my body and before I dropped a clothing size (from a tight 16 to a 14). I first noticed the weight loss in my face and back. I still touch my chin from time to time because it is so cool to only have 1 again! It also feels great not to have rolls of back fat.
I actually lost weight this past year over Thanksgiving! I gained a couple back and slid off track for a bit over Christmas & New Years, but I am back at it and more determined than ever now.
Just this past week I managed to fall back into the 170’s! It was so exciting, because I haven’t seen the 170’s since 2007! I am also now fitting into some of my 12’s again. I will never forget the day when Skyler bought me my first ever pair of 12’s to go on our honeymoon. I cried because I didn’t want to be that size, but he knew I was and he wanted me to be able to take a pair of shorts that I was comfortable in. Now what irony, I am so pumped to be in 12’s again. I dream of the day when I’m back in 6’s, but for now, 12’s are sounding pretty good!
So here I am today, holding steady at 179 (hopefully soon to be falling).
February 2, 2010 – 179.4 pounds
Other parts to this series:
Part 1: Growing Up
Part 2: College Years
Part 3: The Gain
Part 4: Depression
Part 6: Benefits/Rewards