So I didn't post last night mostly because I was ashamed and embarrassed. I don't really want to right now either, for the same reasons, but one purpose of this blog is to hold myself accountable. So here goes...I haven't re-started P90X yet. I know, I suck! My excuse is that I was/am exhausted and last night I had a splitting headache because I was a moron and didn't eat all day until 4:00. But, those are just excuses, not acceptable reasons.
I do not know what my problem is this time. As I have said before, I usually get so addicted to working out and push so hard that I burn myself out. But for some reason this time around I can't seem to get motivated to work out for nothin! It's lame...but I just don't wanna! I much prefer coming home and putting my feet up on the couch and relaxing. (So say's the fat girl)
I have a sneaking suspicion that the main culprit holding me back is time; or lack thereof. To make it all work, I have to manage to eat dinner at work at around 4:00 so it has time to settle. By the time I get off of work around 5:15 or so and get home and change and head to the gym, it's around 6:00. Then, it's 7:30 by the time I finish the typical hour and a half P90X daily workout routine. Then another 30 minutes to an hour pass as I get back home, catch my breath for a minute, take a shower, and get ready for bed. So then I have from 8:30 - 11:00 while my hair dries to plan & prepare meals for the next day, blog, catch up on any house work/laundry/bills, get clothes laid out for the next day (Sky is a peach & irons them for me), and oh yeah...rest a bit and watch some TV. And with this, I'm still going to bed later than I would like to because by Friday I'm running on fumes.
Now, is this just me complaining about a problem that everybody else in the world has to deal with too??? YES! And I realize that. But geez...how do you cope with it? I mean I don't even have kids yet either! In all fairness though, we do have 2 houses in 2 different states we are trying to maintain which is exhausting. But everybody else has things that make their life busy, and they suck it up and manage to get their exercise in. So what is my problem?!?! Am I just a big whiny baby that needs to suck it up and do the work?
YES! That is the exact answer, and I know it. The truth is that I have to get to the point where the reward of becoming fit, thin, and healthy out-weigh in my mind the sacrifice of my precious time. Clearly, I have not come to this realization/acceptance yet this time around. I want to. Because I know in my mind that a few months of a not-so-ideal schedule will go by quicker than it sounds and I will feel great with the results. I also know that once it becomes more of a routine, it won't bother me as bad. But for now, it has been an ongoing mental struggle with myself that I have been losing.
I am sorry that I lied and said I would start yesterday and then didn't. It's annoying and stupid. But clearly I just haven't had the fight in me to care enough yet. I know I will get it, because it makes me sad when I let myself down. I just don't know when it will finally kick in and I will sack up and quit making excuses and do what it takes to get the results I desire. I am really hoping/planning to still start P90X this weekend. We have a jam packed day tomorrow with work, showing the house, a charity crawfish boil, and I was really hoping to have time to squeeze in a pedicure (priorities, right?). So I'm not sure if I will start tomorrow or Sunday. I know deep down that I just have to make myself start, want to or not, and then just not let myself quit. 90 days will be over before I know it and I will be so happy and proud of myself for doing it.
So I don't want any "it's OK", or "don't be so hard on yourself" comments, because we all know I'm just being a slacker and it's time to either shape up or accept that I'm gonna remain fat until I do. Tough love and accountability is the theme of this post...
Oh, and on one positive note, I have been at least keeping my eating under control. We even did our usual Friday lunch at Abuelo's today, and I ordered shrimp fajitas and only ate 1 and asked them to not add any oil or butter when they cooked them. I did eat some of the chips and salsa & queso, but made it a point not to over-eat. I keep telling myself that if I could just get into the 160's soon, I know that would be just the motivation I need to get going again.
So here goes nothing...again...
I don't know if I'll have time to post tomorrow or not, but I will update on Sunday with what will hopefully be a positive weekend recap filled with success and a strong start!